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In the just the past week there have been ample, multiplied opportunities to be offended at my own church. It is wearying really. But, aside from my own personal feelings and experiences, I am perceiving a deep issue in “the Church” of the Western world, and that issue is a lack of familial unity and ultimately a lack of love. Though I am a researcher, the following is of my reflections regarding this, not a study.

This perception has reminded me of an outdoor cat we had for three years, and in all three of those years did not let us touch her even once. Oh, she stayed on our property almost exclusively, ate the food we fed her, slept on the heated outdoor bed we provided, knew the name that we called her which was “Shadow”, and enjoyed the daily visits of our indoor cats. But, she absolutely never let us touch her.

When I told others about her, they would tell me heartwarming tales of elusive cats who eventually came close enough to be petted and were forever tamed once stroked by a human hand. But, not Shadow!

Regardless of her stubborn, willful ‘dementia’, I loved her very much. My family was annoyed with her at times, and thought I was crazy to still feed and care for her. But in truth, I was never offended by thoughts that she didn’t like me, nor did I ever think that I’d done something wrong to make her not like me. Actually, I came to accept the fact that I would never touch her, and never grew impatient with her misguided fear. Instead, she was precious to me. Every quirk was special. Just making eye contact with her was priceless. Seeing her lap up the milk each night made my heart sing. Yes, she was peculiar. Yes, she was silly. Yes, she was ridiculous. But she was darling to me.

Have you noticed how people are with their pets, or grandchildren if you’re not a pet person? So loving. So forgiving. So kind. So gentle. So pampering. The cat throws up in their shoes, and their owner, though disgusted, cleans it up without reprimand. The dog chews up their trash while they’re gone all day, and they scold the dog briefly and then are softened by the big sad eyes of their naughty canine. The child uses your lipstick to produce a Picasso on your bathroom wall, and though you might initially scold the little one their crying leads you to get them a bowl of ice cream. The dog is a bit nippy, but it’s because he needs a treat. The cat is grumpy, but oh, isn’t she cute? The bird squawks annoyingly, but it’s because he’s nervous and needs some baby talk. And if a beloved pet becomes lost, we put up posters, send out announcements all over social media, and call friends and neighbors to find that precious pet in order to bring them home as soon as possible! After all, it’s all about the pet or child – how cute they are in spite of any bad behavior. They don’t earn your love. They just look at you and you love them.

But, in contrast, have you ever noticed how Christians are with each other? So unloving. So unforgiving. So unkind. So harsh. So quickly offended. Someone said something or didn’t say something. Someone did or didn’t do something. Someone should have just known better. How they looked at me or didn’t look at me. How they acted or didn’t act around me. If they invited me or didn’t invite me. And if a Christian who disagreed with me or offended me or was strange disappears from church, well, then, ‘good riddance, they were trouble anyway’! After all, it’s all about whether or not they treat me well or agree with me on every topic – for they need to earn my love and forgiveness.

Perhaps, however, we need to learn something from my cat Shadow. To begin with, we Christians are an odd lot, full of idiosyncrasies, irascible tendencies and strange behaviors, insecurities, and varying backgrounds. But, like my cat (if I can truly call her mine) each Christian (including you and me) is only receptive to a point based on all of their life experiences. But their receptivity and resistance has nothing to do with anyone else. Their behavior is not usually about me. It’s not usually about you. It’s their quirk; it’s their own disconnectedness; it’s their insecurity. And just like I unquestioningly loved my insecure cat who only appeared to reject me all the time, I need to love each brother and sister in Christ and be quick to forgive. I need to more readily love them as I did Shadow, and quit wanting/requiring them to be different than they are, quit placing such a high standard upon them, quit placing on them such great expectations. And really, I need to quit taking things so personally.

Indeed, perhaps this is why Jesus calls us to be quick to forgive, to be tenderhearted and warmly affectionate toward each other – in spite of our ridiculous short comings! Yes, perhaps we ought to see each other as cute, instead of aggravating. Yes, perhaps we ought to consider each other as adorable instead of unforgivable. And I want to be clear here – I am talking about the ins and outs of church life, not egregious sins. I am talking about offense, not murder. I am talking about quirks, not doctrinal error. Yes, in our day to day life, perhaps we ought to be more patient with each other, and think more of what pain or grief or other reasons that each might be going through that brought about such a response that hurt out feelings or made things inconvenient for us. Yes, we all have weaknesses, and each of us wants to be understood and loved and cared for in spite of them. Don’t we? Yes, perhaps we ought to treat each other more like a beloved pet or child instead of an enemy.

And even if someone is in error biblically speaking or is not doing something correctly, it is not for us to change them. Rather, we are to do our part in gentle correction and insight (2 Timothy 2:25), but we ought not be so impatient with them to change immediately. Change often comes over time. Change comes by the Holy Spirit. Even Paul said in 1 Corinthians 3 that some sow seed, some water, but it is God who gives the increase. So, why are we so impatient with people, when it is God’s job to change them? Let’s remember that Jesus did not run after the rich young ruler to compel him to give up everything right now, on the double quick! Instead, Jesus declared how hard it was for those who are rich and who trust in those riches to enter the kingdom of God, but then stated that “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible,” (Mark 10:27) And even more incredibly in the Mark 10 account, it says in verse 21, “Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him…” Not only does the change lie with God, but can you honestly say that when someone does not appear to have heeded what you’ve said that you have looked at them and loved them? Jesus fixed His gaze upon this man with special interest and deep love. Have you? Have you longed for them, like Jesus said of Jerusalem in Matthew 23, “37O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those sent to her, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were unwilling!”?

In this life we may never agree on everything, but we must all agree on one thing – love. It is love that holds us all together like glue. It is love that keeps the Church from falling apart. It is love that keeps us from dividing into a million pieces. It is love that binds all together in perfect unity. We are not enemies. We are family. Don’t let any whispering, conniving devil of hell convince you otherwise! Perhaps if we treat each other like we do our pets, we would not need to go to personal retreats or long for revival, because we would actually be the Church that Christ prayed that we would be.

We can all say, yes, I agree with this. Yes, everyone needs to be more loving. But, here’s the deal. It starts with you. It starts with me. Someone needs to lead. Someone needs to show others how it’s done. Someone needs to love first. And that someone is you and me. (Romans 12:9-21, Philippians 2:1-8, 1 Corinthians 13) And no, others may not follow our lead. Others may get even more exasperating. And yes, in the beginning you’ll wonder why you always have to be the leader. But you must overcome resentment and not be weary in well-doing, for in the end you’ll reap a harvest if you do not faint (Galatians 6:9). We are too earthly minded, wanting our rewards and benefits now. But, this is not he aven. This is more like boot camp wherein our faith is tested and tried in the fire of affliction, and wherein we are to be bonding like soldiers in basic training. For in “the end” we will reap that harvest the likes of which we have no concept of now, for our light afflictions are nothing compared to the eternal weight of glory that awaits us (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Christians are not our enemies no matter how strange each of us may individually be, or how long it may take each of us to learn. We are on the same team. We are fellow soldiers. We are family. We are apart of one body – the body of Christ. We are the Bride. Even so, let us love each other unconditionally – even like beloved pets and kids.

Jesus is coming soon. It’s time to be ready!

Your Sibling in Christ,

Holy Light Ministries

For more on loving each other please refer to this link:

Romans 14: My Testimony, ‘Loving Each Other’, and Matters of ‘Conscience’