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Over the past 2.5 years I have embarked on the tumultuous sea in the ship of a particular church, and it has been much like Paul’s journey in Acts 27 – for there have been at least 11 reasons to have left in that short period of time, and countless times I thought of abandoning ship. This article is actually one of my many testimonies coupled with a powerful revelation concerning loving our fellow Christians, Romans 14, and the matter of “conscience”. It is a Bible study and testimony rolled into one: they are inseparable for me at this time. I pray you are blessed by both.

The present testimony I am about to reveal began with overhearing a prayer of one of my elders approximately nine months ago. No, I did not actually “attend” that prayer meeting for circumstances did not permit it. But, for a few minutes I lingered outside the door where a group were praying, and it was while lingering that I heard the elder’s prayer that the church would “love each other”.

Being frankly honest, I was upset by the prayer, and I remember distinctly thinking to myself, ‘that is not what is needed right now. What’s needed is repentance. What’s needed is holiness. What’s needed is a moving of the Holy Spirit in conviction and power.’ Needless to say, I was unimpressed by that seemingly flimsy prayer and the phlegmatic and laid back manner in which he had prayed it. ‘Where is the passion?’ I fumed.

Needless to say, I did not stay for that prayer meeting but slipped out and into the night unnoticed. Well, almost unnoticed. God noticed. And God has pursued me with that prayer that was more powerful in its quiet delivery than I ever thought possible. Isn’t it amazing who we influence when we have absolutely no idea???!!! For in the last few months wherein I seriously considered leaving my little church many times, God not only reminded me through dreams, as well as His still small voice, to remain at the church, He has revealed to me the depths of His great love for the Church worldwide and the importance of Christians loving each other.

I’m now going to share with you my testimony of this treasured revelation. And yes, I am going to be frank and upfront about what lead me to this revelation. First and foremost, God opened my eyes to my deep-seated resentment toward the worship leadership for having shunned me last year when I confided to them that I could not in good conscience lead in certain songs (for more on what I mean, please refer the link below entitled “Do Not Be Deceived: An Angel of Light”). The worship team hardly made eye contact with me for months after that, and did not speak to me. I thought of leaving the church, but I had at that point invested so much prayer and tears into the church and loved the people so much and kept recalling a dream I’d had of my church before I even knew that they existed that I did not and could not leave.

Anyway… I forgave the worship team for their actions, and eventually reached out with hugs and questions about how they were doing etc. But, as time went on I found myself loathing the fact that they were allowed to persist in leading worship and to lead in other areas in the church, and were highly respected in the church, and that I meanwhile was just a pew warmer. Upon realizing this one day, I took the matter before the Lord, and asked with great sincerity and a lot of tears that this resentment be removed from my heart. I did not want it there. And… God took it. And in its place was this warmth of feeling toward my siblings-in-Christ, and a rejoicing in what God was doing in and through them in the body of Christ, that God was molding them and making them and using them for His glory. Oh what a change! Oh what a miracle that took place in my heart via the incredible, transforming power of the Holy Spirit!

But, that was just the beginning!

What had been brewing in my spirit for some time before that was Philippians 1:9-10 which says, “9And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, 11being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” The Apostle Paul therein is praying that God’s people will overflow with agape love both experienced first hand and given through the sizing up of situations that we might give the best and the most excellent form of love in each situation. He prays that this love will abound in us in order that we also might be sincerely pure – the kind of pureness that is transparent – so pure that it can survive the test of sunlight; and in order that we might be blameless, not causing people any great inner pain of offense. We are not to be thinking about ourselves and what we have received or not received, but rather be thinking about what others need and how to best meet those needs.

After ruminating on this for months and finally coming to full forgiveness, God lead me to Romans 12 and 14. First He showed me Romans 12:9-13. “9Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.” Breaking this down very briefly, I’ve come to find that this is speaking of genuine love that is tenderhearted toward each other as fellow Christians and is the type of love that takes the lead in serving other Christians and in recognizing the irreplaceable value of each brother and sister in Christ. This love treasures each person far above all things. It is agape love that regards the other person’s true need beneath their imperfect actions and reactions, their extreme sensitivities, or even irrational behavior.

The picture I always get of agape is of a wife who has run up a bunch of credit card debt, and her husband just opened the bill. But the husband instead of simply cutting up the cards or erupting in a rage, looks to the deeper need behind these actions, for he “regards” his wife. In other words, he sees through the bad, compulsive behavior that appears to be greedy and out of control and irresponsible (which it is), to the deep need in her heart that began back when her daddy abandoned the family, and the only way she felt complete was to go shopping with her girlfriends. And now the husband reflects on the fact that he’s been too busy with work and his wife has been home alone too much, and what she really needs is not more clothes and home renovations and jewelry, but his attention and time. So, in that moment when the husband could erupt and cancel all the credit cards and even file for divorce, instead makes the decision to immediately hug his wife and to ultimately work less hours and to spend more quality time with his wife, to meet her need for security that she did not have as a child.

That is what God did for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. We had run up a debt too. But, people were looking and are looking for, “shopping for” a political savior, a national leader to intervene that they might defeat their physical enemies and have prosperity and peace. But what they needed and still need is a spiritual Savior from eternal death, hell and the grave. So, God in His agape sent us His one and only begotten Son Jesus to be that Savior of an eternal spiritual freedom, an eternal spiritual prosperity, an eternal spiritual peace, and ultimately to set up an eternal spiritual and physical kingdom that will have no end.

That is agape.

Before continuing, I want to be clear that agape does not allow for habitual sin nor for doctrinally unsound teaching or unbiblical beliefs any more than true love would knowingly allow one to jump off of a cliff or to eat poison.

Continuing on with my testimony, God took me deeper into the realization that the body of Christ really does not know how to show this kind of love, and therefore, they have not been walking in love at all towards each other. We all think we know what love is and should look like, but in reality, we all fail miserably. There is a great misunderstanding regarding what love is, for most have in their minds and hearts the definition that Hollywood and Disney have taught us – the kind of love that tolerates sin, is based in emotions, makes one feel good, and is as fleeting as snow on a summer’s day.

We have come to cling to a personal, selfish love, that needs affirmation and agreement in order to thrive. But this is not agape.

And I have been weeping and praying that the Bride of Christ will indeed begin to truly love each other – God’s way, with the “regarding” kind of love that lays one’s life down, is unselfish and “sees” and loves in the “most excellent way” for each individual Christian.

And then God lead me to Romans 14-15. Oh my goodness! What a treasure trove of what “laying down one’s life” looks like. For indeed, Jesus did not necessarily expect us to physically lay down our lives. But who thinks of these things? Who really looks into what is means to “lay down your life for your friends”? Who really understands John and 1 John? Who really meditates on what agape really looks like?

Before plowing into Romans 14-15, Romans 13 sets the stage by addressing loving each other as first of all keeping God’s moral laws, and ends with Christians “putting on Christ” and being clothed in “armor of light”. This is the basis from which we are to start, but it is not where we are to end. For Paul explains another way to love each other based not on morality but on conscience.

Thus, Romans 14 begins with the inclusiveness of the body of Christ. And by inclusiveness, I mean those who are weak and those who are strong both being included. By weak it is meant those whose conscience is sensitive; those who cannot and are not free to do certain things because of conscience. By strong it is meant those whose conscience is resilient; those who can and are free to do various things. In Romans 14 the examples given are eating meat (that is likely not kosher, even sacrificed to idols – 1 Corinthians 8), drinking wine (not kosher), and the treating of a certain day or days more special than another (likely referring to the Sabbath or festival days). The weak could not eat non-kosher meat that had been sacrificed to idols, could not drink the wine, and they saw certain days as more holy than others. It is quite probable that Paul is referring to the Christian Jews in Roman churches as the “weak”. Whereas there were the Gentile believers who could eat any meat, drink any wine, and saw all days as holy. This concept is very closely akin to 1 Corinthians 8-10, except that 1 Corinthians did not have to do with Jewish Christians, and instead dealt with Christians who had come out of idolatry having difficulty eating meat sacrificed to idols. But, the concept of weak and strong in conscience are the same.

First of all, according to Romans 14:1 the weak were to be welcomed by the strong without the strong attempting to persuade the weak to their side with judgmental debate. Rather, they were to be accepted with open arms, without question, without argumentation, and without being despised for their inability to participate in certain things.

Secondly, everyone was worshiping God – the one not eating meat and the one eating meat; the one drinking wine and the one not drinking wine, the one keeping the Sabbath on Saturday and the one keeping every day as holy unto the Lord. If it was done with thanksgiving (vs 6) and in good conscience (vs 5) they were not to judge nor despise each other for their liberty or for their sensitivity.

But – and here is where it breaks my heart – in verse 13 it states that one is to discern when what one is doing is causing another to painfully, grievously trip (like the pain of stubbing one’s toe – think of the great pain felt throughout your entire body when you stub your toe!!!) or if one is causing a brother/sister in the Lord to stumble in sin by doing something contrary to their conscience, then it is time to stop it. Doesn’t matter how good something might be or how seemingly innocent, if it is hurting your brother/sister it must be given up (to be clear, this is not referring to doctrinal matters nor to sin).

“15Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died.” This grief that is being caused is severe, emotional pain and horrific, acute vexation. This happens when one is so mournful over the stronger brother’s liberty to eat, drink or do something that they come to think their liberated brother is sinning. Thus Paul writes, “16Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil…” For what good is a Christian leading in a worship song that others consider a sin because of the source of that song? A worship leader or team may have good intentions using a certain song, but when it becomes destructive and does not edify those who cannot sing it, what good is it really? They may feel right in what they do, but what good is being right if your brother in Christ is hurt by your action?

This is when Paul states under the direction of the Spirit of God that “…the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.” In other words, our pleasure in this life is not what this life is about nor is it what the kingdom of God is about. Rather, serving Christ in all things is the goal, to seek first the kingdom of God. And how is one serving Christ if one is hurting one’s brother in Christ for whom Christ died?

Thus it goes on to say, “19Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. 21It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.”

And I wept over this. Wept. And I still do. Do not destroy – for the sake of food. Do not destroy the work of God, the priceless Temple of God for food, or for a right to be right, or for a liberty in face of one who does not have such a liberty. Do not lose your brother or sister in Christ for the sake of one’s right or freedom or pleasure. Do not count anything more valuable than each individual member of the body of Christ. For it is not good to do anything by which your sibling in Christ will become tripped up in painful grief, be lead away to sin against their conscience, or be made literally, physically ill (vs 21)!!!!

Following my full forgiveness of the worship team and God taking away my resentment, another issue was uncovered in my heart that had kept me weeping day and night. I seriously thought that the congregation might be sinning unknowingly by singing certain songs. Now these songs were thankfully doctrinally sound. But knowing the questionable place where the songs had come from, I was extremely pained that the people were quite possibly welcoming in the wrong spirit. It is similar to if they were singing Mormon songs to our Lord however biblically accurate they may be. And I wept and wept and thought seriously of leaving again.

Now I know I was the “grieved” “weaker” Christian. Not only had worship team shunned me for my wounded conscience and serious concerns, but now I was deeply grieved, cut to the heart not only by the songs but by what might be happening to the people.

But God…

That’s when my loving God, my awesome God, my sincerely precious treasure of a God spoke into the situation and guided me into this truth of Romans 14 and 15 by His darling Holy Spirit, telling me and showing me that the people were indeed worshiping Him. I heard my Lord’s voice say, “They’re worshiping me.” And I cried tears of relief and joy in that split second of revealed truth, and Romans 14 comforted me which states that they were doing it unto the Lord. And the Lord quieted me with His comforting, still, small voice, and the potent nature of the Word of God sprang to life in that marvelous rhema word moment. No one was sinning by singing the songs. Praise the Lord that my dearest God cared to show me this!! This does not change the fact that the songs still come from an “idol temple” so to speak. But now I know that my sitting and not singing during those songs is pleasing to the Lord, and their standing and singing those songs is also pleasing to the Lord. And I am beyond relieved. I am elated!

And praise the Lord that He went on to show me even more, a treasure trove of countless worth, a mine made entirely of gold and fine gemstones beyond number. And I am in awe. In awe of love. The love we are called to as the body of Christ, the kind of love that sets aside all rights for the sake of the heart of a fellow Christian, the kind of love that does not expect immediate results but instead waits on the Holy Spirit to work patiently upon each person, even the kind of love that dies to self for the sake of another’s conscience. Just think of that! Because of conscience! This is the kind of love that lays down one’s life – by giving up the right to sing a song, or giving up the right to call a holiday by a pagan name, or giving up the right to drink alcohol in public, or giving up the right to shop at a certain store, or giving up the right to drink Dr Pepper in the presence of those who think it is a sin – for the sake of brotherly love, agape love, and God who is Love itself.

Truly and interestingly enough we are all “weak” in certain things and “strong” in others. Perhaps that’s why we are to do unto others as we would have them do unto us – so that when we find ourselves weak at any point, we will also find ourselves loved and not abandoned.

I was the “strong” in a certain situation. I was out to lunch with my boss and a co-worker, when the topic of the possibility of aborted fetal tissue being in Pepsi products came up. My co-worker was talking about this as my Dr. Pepper arrived. But, cognitive dissonance strongly kicked in, and I dismissed everything being said and went on to drink my Dr. Pepper in spite of all warnings – because I really wanted that sparkly, fizzy soda! Soon thereafter, however, wanting to know what was going on, I looked into Pepsi and found out that they had been using a research company that utilized aborted fetal tissue in their labs. There was no proof of the tissue getting into the soda, but the fact that they used the tissue of murdered babies in research was beyond appalling. I went up to my co-worker later and apologized that I had not even just for my co-worker’s conscience sake sent the Dr. Pepper back and gotten an iced tea instead. It didn’t matter that I did not understand and could not believe what was being communicated. It was real to my co-worker and I needed to in love respect that. No, there was likely nothing wrong with the soda. But, there was something wrong with my heart as the “strong” that cared more for drinking a soda than for loving my concerned sibling in Christ.

Even so, Romans 15 continues,“1We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. 3For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.”” Indeed, the strong are to “carry” the “doubts” of the “powerless”, and are not to please themselves. Instead, they are be quick to lead by serving and giving up things for the purpose of edifying those who are uncertain about things. They are to lead not by attempting to persuade the weak that they are wrong, but rather, the strong are to lay aside their right to be right for the sake of the weaker brother.

Truly the agenda of each Christian is to be that of edifying one another, and to care about the spiritual well being of the body of Christ, and to not beat and wound our fellow Christian servants like the unjust, abusive servant whose master tarried in his return (Matthew 24:45-51; Luke 12:35-48). That unjust and unfaithful servant was all about what he wanted, for it says that he ate and drank and became drunk. He was unconcerned about his brother and sister servants’ needs or weaknesses or sensitivities or conscience (Matthew 24’s account), and disregarded the fact that the servants he was to care for are God’s invaluable little children (Luke 12’s account).

How many sheep have wandered off from the flock of ninety-nine – bitten, bleeding, bruised and offended? And yes, sheep bite! How many of these have not been sought to come back, but are simply let go because it is reasoned that they’ll simply find another church? And how many well meaning Christians have attempted reconciliation but fallen far short because they were all about defending their opinions and reasons for doing something and not at all about loving that wounded person? How many of the strong simply shrug and let the 1 go? How many of the strong didn’t want to hear what the weak were saying because it required that the 99 give something up, that they had to die for the 1? How many are still church-less and unsought and unloved? (This is all from Matthew’s account of the sheep in Matthew 18 which has to do with offense not sinners).

Along with this incredible forgiveness and revelation, God took me deeper in His word, and I am touched in the depths of my soul. Oh the wealth of truth! Oh how priceless each Christian is! Oh how invaluable each brother and sister’s conscience is even when it doesn’t make sense! Oh how astounding the love of Christ for each of us that He laid aside His rights for us, that we might have life and life more abundantly! Oh the captivating beauty of His great sacrificial love that clothed in the flesh of a servant took the lead in humility and grace, dying for us who were so unworthy of such love! Oh how we who are clothed in Christ are now to take the lead in such humility toward one another no matter how weak or doubtful or seemingly ignorant some brothers and sisters may appear! For we see through a glass darkly (1 Corinthians 13), and are still in the process of coming to the “unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13).This is the mind that is to be in us, that precious mind of Christ, so humble, so considerate, so patient, so kind, so tenderhearted, so selfless, so filled to overflowing with the LOVE of God!!!!!

“5Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, 6that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.”” (Romans 15).

We are not going to agree on everything. This is clear from Romans 14. Even Ephesians 4:11-13 and 1 Corinthians 13:12 also clearly reveals this. Thus, being “like-minded” is obviously not about agreeing on everything – after all, there are matters of “conscience”. Rather, it is all about love, for love covers a multitude of sins (Proverbs 10:12; 1 Peter 4:8; Psalm 32:1). For we are all still learning. All of us are at different levels of knowledge. Some are spiritually in kindergarten, others are freshmen in high school. And some might be in advanced math, but are far behind in social studies. But with one mind each of us are to determine to lead others in selfless love, and to receive one another’s fellowship wholeheartedly! For if we love Jesus, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15), and His commandment is that we love one another (John 15:12). And the world will know us by our love for one another (John 13:35). And on top of this – like the cherry on top – Jesus prayed we’d love each other that His joy might remain in us, that our joy might be full (John 15:11).

And I want to say it again, we’re not going to agree on everything. There will be differences of opinion on many things including what color the carpet should be, if hymns should be sung exclusively, if a Christmas tree is appropriate or mistletoe or holly for that matter, if one should celebrate God’s biblical holidays in a Jewish way or not, and the list goes on and on. But, I want to remind those reading this that these arguments no matter how logical, ought never sever us as the body of Christ. And the time to draw the line in any conversation is when what is being discussed is doing one of three things to your brother/sister in Christ and is doing one of two things to you. The three things to watch out for in love concerning your siblings in Christ are these: is what is being discussed cutting them to the heart in grief, making them physically ill, or persuading them to do something that goes against their conscience — because to go against conscience is a sin. So, are you causing them to sin? Are you making them ill? Are you causing them deep grief?

And when it comes to your own heart take heed to the words of Romans 14:3-4 which says (emphasis mine), “3Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him. 4Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.” Remember, those who could not eat had a good reason not to do so: the meat had been sacrificed to idols and/or was not kosher, and this meant something to them — indeed they honored God by not eating. And those who could eat the meat had a good reason for being able to do so: the meat was given to them by God and they were thankful for it — and they honored God by eating. So, are you despising your fellow Christian because of their heartfelt stance and inability to do something? Or are you judging your fellow Christian because they are able to do something that you are not at liberty to do? What is in your heart? Really? This isn’t about your sibling’s heart. This is about yours. Let the Holy Spirit search you and know you and reveal to you what’s really going on in your heart (Psalm 139:23; Psalm 4:4). Let’s be careful not to be like the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2 which Jesus said had lost their first love. What is this first love? Jesus. And what does Jesus say about loving Him? “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). And what are these commandments? “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Indeed, Romans 12:10 says of this love, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Oddly enough, in the situations at my church, I was the “weak”; I was the offended. But the strong did not come to me nor seek me out. The “strong” did what the “strong” usually do; they held onto being right; they held onto their liberty, much as I did with the Dr. Pepper. But God…God opened my eyes and my broken heart and used this harrowing journey and would not let me get off of the rocky ride so as to learn this lesson and testify. Indeed, in my weakness He was and is still strong! (2 Corinthians 12). And I’d have it no other way! For oh the glorious strength of God!!! Even when I, as the “weaker” Christian of Romans 14, was overwhelmed by deep grief and a gravely injured conscience, God held me fast against all odds – not by might, not by power, but by His Holy Spirit – for He wanted me to see His purpose accomplished in both me and the church.

Has it been easy for me to be warmly affectionate toward the “strong” who’ve hurt me at church and who are still very set in their opinions? I have really good days, but I also have bad days wherein I am stiffer and more distant than I ought to be. I want to encourage you as one who is on this same journey of learning how to love our brothers and sisters in Christ, that it is not always going to be easy. The narrow way is not narrow not wide, and narrow is not easy (Matthew 7:14). Jesus never said it would be. He just calls us to love, and then puts it in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). His grace is sufficient, is it not? And His strength is always made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). When we are weak, He is strong, and He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). So, let’s set our hearts to do exactly what He desires: to love one another as He has loved us (John 13:34). So let us keep choosing to love each other and value each person as an invaluable treasure, far more precious than anything else in this world.

Indeed, that seemingly passionless prayer my elder prayed months ago that we love one another, rocked my world. And I will never be the same. I pray that whoever you are as you read this, that you will be touched deeply by this incredible discovery of Romans 14 regarding the “weak” and the “strong.” I do not profess to fully understand why God honors “conscience”, but He does. Therefore, we should too.

Your Sibling-in-Christ,

Holy Light Ministries

Do Not Be Deceived: An Angel of Light

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